‘It Didn’t Fit’ and ‘Paying for Sex’

The condom didn’t fit
Not sure if I should have been proud
or upset,
that was supposed to have been my first time
and I didn’t have another
and I was a cautious boy; I always
calculated risks and rewards-
I didn’t want to risk being a father
so I didn’t put it in
Smart move, I think
and across the room my buddy fucked his girl
his condom did fit; they were both his
He fucked and kissed her, she made the noises of
pleasure-
I had never seen people fuck in person before
and I wondered if he knew just moments before
when he was getting the rubbers
that she had her mouth on my dick
he was kissing that mouth “Gross…”
I thought
My girl was giving me the same treatment,
head bobbing, me squirming
And when she was done, she looked up at me
and kissed me
I thought nothing of it



I was too scared to pay the hooker
cause I had read many times of them
turning out to be cops
I don’t get why it’s illegal
You have to pay for it in the end anyway
Sometimes it’s a fancy dinner and a chick flick
Some guys pay for it their whole lives
Unfortunate suckers, especially when she’s ugly
but this girl was beautiful
Not sure why she let guys sleep with her
for cash
Maybe she just knew she was worth it,
I wish I was worth it-
$80 and I could do anything I wanted
She was on her way, a house call, I had
the cash in hand
but I chickened out
Not afraid of jail
but of the shame and embarrassment
because if you get caught paying for it
you get judged
Even though we all pay for it
Sometimes I wonder if she was a cop
or someone who just wanted to get paid as
much as I wanted to get laid
but I’ll never know
I was too scared to pay the hooker